Today, my throat was sore so I skipped work and slept all day. Now it's 8:30pm and I'm feeling a bit better. Also, I'm drinking coffee, because that's what I do when I wake up. Be sure to keep this little incident in mind next time someone (me) tries to tell you I'm smart.
Yesterday I went and had a dinner with some vegetarian folks after work because my roommate Jo was giving a talk after the dinner. Jo has a book out called Move the Message that teaches activists about creating powerful and persuasive messages to create change, and so her talk was about that, but on a more personal level. Her talk "Move the Change" was about how sometimes we think we want to change ourselves, but can't, so what do we do?
Well, if you really want to know what she says in her words, I'm sure you could hire her to speak at an event. But, for me, the main takeaway is that change doesn't come until we're truly ready for it. And we don't always recognize the reasons we're not ready yet. But when we're ready to make the changes we want, they'll come more easily. In the meantime, we should honor where we are now and keep having fun.
I guess, to turn this little anecdote into a more personal story for you, my readers who have probably given up on my blog several times over, I'll tell you how I feel about San Francisco.
SF hasn't done anything wrong to me, but it's not my home. I've been emotionally zig-zagging between petulance that this is not Greenpoint, Brooklyn or Richmond, Virginia and self-chastising for not getting out there and discovering the things that will surely make me love this town.
I've been reading, rather than going out and making friends. I've been limping around and gaining a pound or two, rather than going to a pool to get some low-impact exercise. I've been sleeping perhaps more than I should. I've been tasting food and thinking, "there's a place that does this better in New York." I've been leaving my bed unmade.
Well, you know what? For all that, I'm not new at this. I don't not know what I'm doing. I move a lot. I know it takes time. I know that every new town turns me into a different person, even if there is a thread of constancy deep down that we all think of as Nancy Strange. I think that even while part of me keeps saying "hurry up and learn to belong in San Francisco" another part of me really loves and cherishes who I was before I got here. It's hard to let that go. But, in time, it'll just happen.
Hmpf. I got all touchy feely there for a second. Little bit of California rubbing off on me?
In parting, I'll leave you with a moment of cuteness. Jo's fostering some motherless kittens right now. Amazingly, Disco and Gracie have kept their curiosity pretty much within the perimeter of my room, as if they know they should show respectful concern and not venture too close to kitten headquarters.
Here's a bad phone-video of the little squeakers for you to enjoy:
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